My World-

“I want to marry her”

When you’ve done all you could try, what’s left other than accepting, letting go, and moving on?

seesamsea:

I’m never in the mood for anything anymore

I don’t really have anything to say to you anymore. I don’t really have anything to say to anyone.

So much of me just wants to blame you, for everything. For my lack of enthusiasm to talk, for my somber moods nowadays, for my neverending thoughts that prevent me from sleeping at night, just everything.

But even if I did, it wouldn’t affect you in the least bit. You’ve moved on, I haven’t. Let’s face the facts.

And you did nothing wrong. You did what you had to do for yourself. I’m not going to blame my discontent on you. I’m not going to distrust everyone just because of you. I’m not going to be wary of anyone else who wants to get close to me just because of you. I’m not going to doubt the next promises of another just because of you. I’m not going to let my tears fall just because of you. I’m not going to let you hinder me from becoming better, in hopes that you might change your ways, because.. You’re not going to. You’re not going to budge in any way, and I’ve accepted it. You’re not going to occupy my thoughts, no I won’t have that. I don’t want to say you’re unworthy, but you don’t deserve that much of myself. I’m not bitter, and I’m not going to be. I’m going to take the right ways to overcome this. I’m going to detach myself from you, fom everything we shared. That doesn’t mean I’ll forget it, but whatever emotion that entailed the memory, now that… that’ll be gone.

I’m not going to think, “You had your chance, but you missed it.”, because that’s not the right way to go about this. Regardless of how much I want to spite you for the hurt that you’ve given me, it’s not worth it. Why? Because that’ll suck me right back into where I used to be, giving you more than necessary. I’m going to grow. I’m going to heal. I’m going to get back up. There are still dark nights, but what I’m focusing on are the brighter days. I’m not going to cry because it ended, I’m going to smile because it happened. Everything happens for a reason right? There is a reason for what happened. There is a reason as to why you and I hurt so much. There is a reason as to why this ended.

Maybe one day I’ll be able to talk to you without any feelings. No, scratch that. There will be a day where I’ll talk to you without any feelings. But that’s for the future, and I’m putting my mind on the present.

With my trust in God, I’ll overcome this. Even through the darkest nights where the demons torture me, I’ll overcome this. Because, if God’s on my side… what can possibly defeat me?

Nothing.

I feel like I’m missing out on some amazing people just because of the complexity of my shyness.

am I becoming detached from you?

are my feelings really going away?

If it is, though, I’m not going to fight it.
You don’t. No. I’m not going to fight it if my feelings are going away, I’m not going to bat an eye, this is what happens.

Things have changed.